Mother to Son

Recorded: January 2, 2014
Characters: Frigga, Loki
Location: Odin and Frigga's Bedchamber
Summary: Loki checks in on Frigga after they have both been resting from the recent ordeal.

Loki enters the Royal Chambers still wearing his clothing from the healing room which consists of a long white tunic and loose white pants. He is barefoot, and his hair is a bit unruly, but he seems to be able to walk under his own power despite the healer's protests. When he enters the room, he pauses just past the threshold, not knowing exactly what to expect.

Frigga is looking a bit better with some additional rest after he conversation with Odin. She's sitting up in bed with sliced golden apples and cheeses spread on a tray stretched over her legs. A pair of her personal servants are playing a soft tune on dulcimers to entertain her, though they skip a note when Loki barges into the room. Their play resumes with a silent apology to the All-Mother who calmly glances at her son from behind the rim of her water goblet. "My son, you have entered without warning. Please apologize to the maidens for disrupting their performance."

Loki looks at the servants and then at the ground as if they were his better. "I am truly sorry for disturbing you. May I enter, my queen?" as is customary, he drops down to one knee with a grunt, one hand going to his middle, the other fist crossing his chest. "Please forgive me for my intrusion." he says keeping his eyes down. "I wanted to ensure that you were in better health."

Frigga sets her goblet aside and waves Loki out of his kneeling. "There is no need to prostrate yourself. Come, let me look upon you and know that you are well." She puts another thin slice of apple in her mouth before lifting the tray to rest on Odin's side of the bed, signaling for Loki to stand at her bedside.

Rising is a bit of a struggle, but Loki refuses to show it as he stands and moves to the side of the bed, looking down at Frigga with a neutral expression. The others were right - it's time to stop being such a mama's boy. "I am well, mother." he replies. "I will report to the others that you are also doing well. I apologize for my weakness and inability to stop your abduction. I have failed you."

Frigga studies Loki's movements and his words while maintaining a look of calm neutrality. She gestures to the maidens and they stop playing. With a bow, they gather their instruments and leave the room. Only after they have left does the All-Mother speak. "You cannot fail a task that you were never assigned. It is not your duty to protect me—That task belongs to the guard. Though they have failed that task, they are not to be punished and neither are you." Her eyes find a place on her blanket to focus. "Loki. Of the things I said to you while on Jotunheim… The actions that I took against you…"

Loki holds up a hand. "There is no need to apologize for anything. I know that even though you were Jotun on the outside, that you were still you on the inside. I hold no anger toward you for anything that happened. It was not under your control, and I know you would not have said them had you not been under that spell."

Frigga lifts her gaze to the wall across the room. "Even though it was through use of a spell, my words and actions came from a place I had long wondered about. In my heart I felt I was a Jotunn, and all the hatred and jealousy towards Asgardians… It was there. I felt the weight of an inherited notion of wrongdoing on the part of the Asgardian people. The outrage at what I felt was your needless intrusion in Jotunheim… The anger and the violent reaction felt so natural to what I was… What I have always feared that you might become."

The All-Mother lands her sight on Loki and her expression dips into one of pure remorse. "When you were first brought to me as an infant, I feared so much for your development. The Jotunns are a war-faring people and it seemed that if I encouraged you to display the same warrior's strength that Thor and Balder display, you would instantly resort to the ways of your blood and be quickly discovered. I encouraged you to seek sorcery not just because of your intelligence—And you are truly a bright and wonderful boy. But because I thought that I could focus you away from your heritage. To keep you from that which might reveal to all of Asgard that you had come from our enemy."

She sighs deeply to herself. "In spending that one day as a Jotunn, I have learned how wrong I was. That natural rage I felt was passion for the plight of what I then thought was my people. That passion is in you as well, and as a mother I should have recognized it and guided you better towards your use of it, instead of trying to steer you from its undeniable call. Now as a man I see you struggle with your emotions and I feel wholly responsible, for I molded you with thoughts of Asgard and how you would fit in, instead of how you should prosper regardless of where you come from. The Jotunns are not our enemy because of what they look like or their way of life; they are our enemy because they threaten ours. But they only do so because that is what they are weaned on, and I owed it to you to wean you on something much different while teaching you to bear the strength of your brothers."

It is at that moment that the Queen of Asgard pushes her bedding aside and reaches out for Loki's hands. In the same motion, she drops to her knees at her bedside and bows her head at the shoulders, pressing her forehead against the back of his palms. "Forgive me, my child, for the part I have played in the burden you face. Though not by blood, I have declared myself your mother, and yet I did not treat you as a mother should."

Loki watches her, keeping his expression ever neutral. But, as she continues, he tilts his head to the side, his brow raising in concern and sympathy. He has manners enough to allow her to go through her entire speech before he responds, using his hands to gently help her to rise. "Mother…" he begins quietly. If she will allow him, he will guide her from her knees to sit on the bed, where he would sit as well, holding her hands in his.

"You raised me as one of your own when you could have just as easily left me to die in the cold. I am not sorry that you taught me sorcery, or how to read the difficult books. I am not sorry for any of it." he looks down at their hands and sighs. "I know you wanted me to not feel different because I was Jotun born. I was different simply because I was different. You proved that you can raise a Jotun that is not born with the disposition to simply cause war and destruction. I, unfortunately was jealous because it seemed Thor and Balder had always received more attention from father. As you know, warriors are revered in Aesir culture, and even though my talents did not lie in physical strength, I wanted to be recognized just as they were. I cannot change the past, but I can apologize for it."

Loki gives her hands a light squeeze. "We grew up being told that Jotuns were our enemy and to hate and fear them. I expect they were taught the same of us. When I found out by overhearing father speak that I was not who I had been raised to believe I was, I became furious. I felt betrayed not by you but by him for keeping the truth from me. My rage and fury endangered our realm and our family, and I am so very sorry. When I was reborn, I wanted to change, but it appears I have not yet found the correct path. Can you forgive me, mother?"

Frigga smiles at Loki from their mutual seat on the side of her bed. She reaches up and rests a hand along his face, letting slip the illusion that allows him to appear Asgardian so she can look at her son as he really is. "We shall forgive each other for our misdeeds. Loki, no matter where you come from, or how different you are from your brothers, know that you are a true member of this family. You are an Odinson, and you are /my/ son. We will never think less of you for not bearing our blood, and we did not tell you of where you came from, because to us it did not matter. What truly matters is what you stand for and how you face the challenges set before you in manhood."

Loki feels his normal visage fade away, looking down at his hands. He is not proud to be a Laufeyson and can't bear to meet her eyes like this. "You are right, mother. Thor tried telling me this, but his methods of speaking make his words impossible for me to hear. I hurt people. I deserve to be in the dungeons, not sitting here with you." Despite his best efforts, a single tear escapes his blood red eyes and rolls down his blue cheek. He can't seem to help it, he is just much more emotional than the others. "I'm sorry. I shall try much harder from now on to remember that you are my family and will not simply toss me back to Jotunheim when you no longer have need of me."

Frigga shakes her head. "I would not allow your father to do that, and though his initial intentions were political, you should know by now that he truly regards you as one of his own." She slides her hand to his chin and gently lifts it so his gaze can meet hers. "To move forward in these matters, Loki, you must pardon yourself. You cannot linger in the memory of your actions; instead, you must learn from them, and move on." Her hand lowers, allowing his other form to take precedence once again, and she gradually guides herself back into the comfort of sitting up in bed. "Should you need counsel, you know that you can always come to me or Odin to seek wisdom before your next action. Be strong, my son, and leave your tears in covert moments such as this. If you truly wish to gain your brothers' respect, you must show them that you can react to situations without a watered eye."

He looks up at her when she lifts his chin and lets out a tiny sigh. "I have been so lost. It seems as though I shall never extract myself from the difficulties on Midgard. I had become involved with bad mortals who wanted to kill other mortals, but I thought I could fix it and that would make you proud of me…but then it became worse and worse. So that is why I gave my life to save our realm when the portal was discovered. It is all so confusing, but I shall continue to try. Thor has an extreme temper and I am often emotional. It does not make for easy conversation. Could you…perhaps tell him that I am not as bad as he believes me to be?"

Frigga replies, "I will speak to your brother but it would be best if you did so yourself. Simply maintain your calm and he will be forced to do the same. It is a tactic I have taught your father to use on many of the more passionate diplomats of the Nine Worlds." She smirks and offers a brief chuckle that is cut short by a sharp draw of painful air. The All-Mother brings a hand to her temple and sighs deeply to try and relieve some of the pain in her furrowed brow.

Loki is on his feet in a flash, looking over her, his hair now almost long enough to be in her face while he does so. "Mother, what is it? I will summon a healer immediately." he pulls the furs and blankets up to her chin and places a hand on her forehead. "You must rest, no more fretting or worrying. You will only expend the strength you need to recover."

Frigga chuckles at his doting. "It is all right, my passionate child. The after-effects of the bracelet seem more than I imagined. I will rest now. Let your brothers know that I am fine." She nods her permission for him to leave her while she settles in for more rest. As Loki leaves, he may find himself afflicted by a brief nagging sensation. Nothing particularly worrisome, but enough to cause a slight pause in a step or a thoughtful second glance with empty results.

As he leaves and the doors close, he pauses, taking a moment to look around as he places a hand on his middle where the sword came through. Not finding anything with his senses, Loki continues his path back to the healing room.

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